Can you say "Awkward?"

Indeed I can; and absolutely frustrated with this man thing (vague term for the unknown status of the previously stated)  of my friends. Putting me in awkward situations; and the possibility of conflict between my best friend. She's a great gal and she doesn't deserve this; she's made mistakes; but so has everyone else; and there's really no excuse for this; this is just one of the few frustrations currently.

The other is the Gma, and her new glued to the hip boyfriend. But of course; I'm the one with social problems I guess.

Problem One: Boys = Gay Fest. At least the gay ones. The ones that play the games they don't like to have them played on. I'm not a pawn on this chess board and I will not become one.  It's frustrating and I wish it would fucking stop. Just return my mp3 player and.....stop calling? This all started a while back; when the flirting escapade happened with Dakota; then it just amplified after that with josh; really sucked because Ky & I stopped hanging out as much afterwards due to the fact it pissed her off more when I was around and he would do it: and I didn't need to be in that situation becuase it made me feel really awkward and on the spot. So I just stayed home after school more; and avoided him at all costs. she comes to my house more to say. I feel like all this is to piss off Ky which worked when I told her today over the phone. I feel terrible ruining her day. Though cleaning cabins didn't seem all that great in the first place. If he does show up again; I'll tell him straight up he needs to stop; Bros before hoes; and he's the hoe. Ky's my girl; (or bro becuase she's not a mushroom kind of guy :]) I just don't need this anymore; its' ridiculous. And dumb; and it's not fair to either one of us (ky & I) I hope she kicks him in the balls. hahaha.

Problem Two: The legacy of the grandmother/grand daughter saga continues; it went into intermission for about 2 months. I told her "I don't care if you date; just don't get married; and don't make me dependent on him" I should have included in the list "Don't become a bitch"  It's obvious that she's happy and i'm happy she's happy; but the level of communication and the crying about "Oh you don't spend time with me" has ceased due to this man Oi....anyways; I'm not really included in any plans; and the new boyfriend (sherman) has been over VERY frequently. They went out yesterday; and they're now in st.cloud with my aunt that I don't get to see very often; and she didn't seem very enthused about me going this morning when I asked. And I already know if I say "Hey ever since you and Sherman have been dating more; we don't see eachother and i'm not included into too many of your plans" I willg et the response or...attack of "wlel when you date you don't include me in a lot of plans of yours either" I'm a teenager how many places would she want to go with me and my friends who just walk around town all the time; shes nver home anyways; so what does it really matter? It's a never ending war becuase I'll never get an apology or a legit "Hey okay we'll go out together just you and me' something will get "in the way" or "sherman dies" or something...okay that was harsh but still.

So this morning [the reasoning of this post and the last straw] I got up this morning to tell her "hey I don't have to go to work" and she's like "okay cool I can get going earlier" then I say " So I guess I can't go?" she says " I never said that" and I say "Well I don't feel very invited" and she says "well I'm not ocming home tonight" and I think "wow you'd have to go five miles out of your way to take me home..." I lay on the couch and think about all the time she's home she never spends any with me; except the half hour in the car with me to help me get my license which she didn't even drive me the last time. "DOn't make me dependent on him" As she has him driive me down to alex to see a friend....bitch. I don't know this is just...angering...I don't wanna deal with these stupid problems they're sort of petty in a way but they're not

I haven't really been sober in a month either. Wonderful huh? Yeah high everyday; today I have no more weed left smoked this morning after nana left...can't find my bowl; just my bong...I feel like i've really disapointed Ben when I told him that...I haven't been sober since just before he left...which is almost a month ago...I dont' think it's a problem..well maybe; but I dno't sit there and go "Wow I really need some weed" sometimes I go "i wish I had some" but i never NEED IT. It always comes to me; and through out this whole weed binge; I've only spent twenty bucks. So; at least I'm not living an expensive life. Spending money I don't have. I'm gonna go though

Peace
<3M