God Is Wearing Black

Get lost just to numb the emotions, allow me to breathe. words seem so useless. more and more i see that dark side you kept warning me about, the more lost I get lost into the music. Move me. use me. let every bass drum take me farther into this spiral of an impending doom. faster the drugs seem to appeal to the eye of the fool and even faster to the sane. Lay me down into this everlasting slumber. Let the words take no rhythm, rhyme or sense. Leave them open to interpretation. Define every moment with sincerity and uneducated guesses. The bread crumbs have been taken away and no longer can I find the way back to your ultimate reality, you're "hybrid" race, just let me stay in this infinite ecstasy and drink the finest of heroins. Let this foreshadow something great, something wonderful. Let it give me life to live, and experiences to take. I want to feel the pain of a starving child, the loss of something important, to feel no regret and absolute resentment for something beautiful. To feel the greatest amount of power over mind, and lose it in one breath. Grant me life to give and lessons to teach. but keep me sane. But then again what is sanity? Insanity = Obcession. That's just my theory.What does sanity mean...Can I get lost in it:? Can I see something good in this? What will it lead me too....nowhere. no just light up another one. Allow yourself to die with each inhale. Tell me to quit but frustrate yourself when I don't, or can't. Lost train of thought, and hopped on another one. this one is subtley crazy just casually sipping coffee, allowing it's self to think of ways to dissect every single thought. Break it down, and watch it die. Sanity. the ability to think with the crowd? that's not it. Secrets, lies, and cheats. We make the world go round. Heroin could kill you but may be all need the experience of a true intense addiction to really live life? Trust does it exist, and does it exist another soul Maybe just a prescription or a drug dealr. You can always trust a bottle of prescriptions to never wake you up in the morning. You can always trust the drug dealer to keep hooking you up until you die just for your money, and never come to your funeral. 

Art define it. Everything. get lost. That's what I find myself doing everyday. Turn on the music and start to write think. I always tap into you. You've taught me so much. oh well. move on. eyes burning. exhaustion. What am I really feeling? Annoyed a bit. Wish I could have some feed back. You were real. but maybe thats what you wanted from me. more feed back. I'm so taken back by everyword you speak, I have nothing to say. I said I'd quit, but I have no reason to now. You're gone. Not much of a reason for anyything. time seems to be flying past. No room fo rmuch of anything. thoughts seem to clutter and I couldn't begin to tell you which approached me first. I need canvas. And paint. expensive how I've chosen to live. but I'll make it. and the bomb goes off like that, in an instant every feeling, memory, true thought, and lie comes out. It's an intense experience and I'm not going to let it fly from you. I'm on a constant thinking rampage. waging war  upon myself and reality. Absolutely shocked what flows out of my body through the toxic ink, and on to the problem causing paper Webs of mystery and subconscious riddles. Melodies of dreams and wishes, the world can relate to. Don't break this single breath. Let everyting exist for as long as possible. exaggerate every gesture and move. but don't abuse the privelege of life.

Dead. Gone. Nothing amongst the living will know. this type of loneliness I feel as though, you'll never know who I am all the while I'm not writing this. Slowing realizing I'm tapping into that place that you hate where I go. you see right through the screaming face and aching handes made of acrylic and oil. pain. The pastel blends I fade into my favorite place. You were the only one I would allow into my sanctuary. No one really puts two and two together when it comes to our relationship, mostly because I hide you from everyone. You could say I'm a little posessive when it comes to you, and I'm sorry but I truly don't feel safe sharing this love we have. I go into this place that lets everything flow, and when i ahve to write I have to write.